16—Inside looking out

Inside looking out
Hiding down in the dark basement
Trapped in the terror of my trauma
Looking through the dirty, broken window
I cannot see clearly
This what I’ve always known
I don’t see what everyone else sees
My vision is tinted by the colors of fear, distrust, danger, terror
Am I crazy?
Am I really here?
Am I safe?
Is this real?
Am I purely weak, faithless, fleshly?
Fading away
I criticize myself
I physically harm myself
I want to die
Will I ever be “normal?”
Slowly learning, growing, changing
These “weaknesses” are in fact God-given gifts
My body’s way of helping me survive the terror of the unspeakable
So I do what I can to rewire my brain
So indescribably difficult
So misunderstood
All the small efforts are huge victories
My view is clouded by the window I look through
God’s Grace meets me there
He comforts me and enables me to grow
As I look through the dirty, broken window
I can see there is beauty and light, even here among the pain and difficulties too great for words
In the middle, without being “cured” or “healed”

사진작가:

acreamer

업로드:

2021-05-30

태그:

AMonthOnFilm kodak portra 400 nikon f100

카메라:

Nikon F100

필름:

Kodak Portra 400

렌즈:

sigma 35mm 1.4

국가:

United States

앨범:

A Month On Film, September 2020

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